A cold bed
by Simplysheree
Summary: Shepard reflects on the good points of her incarceration, focusing on one very large, tattooed one. First in the Shega series, very short, fluffy one-shot. All VegaXF!shep.


**I own nothing! **

**This is the first in my Shega series, there will be many more, mostly one-shots. I wanted to avoid retelling the whole story of Mass effect in one story mainly because there are so many good ones that my attempt would get lost (I admit it, I'm a narcissist!) but also because it has been done so many times. The series will focus entirely on their relationship and will drop in on them at intervals, looking at important moments, though I have taken a lot of liberty with the details, the results are fluffy and angsty. But mostly (I wont lie) they will be lemony!**

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The room was nice enough, that she could admit.

But it was still a cage, a pretty, well furnished, light and spacious cage… she could hardly complain about it. And yet…

Its one and only saving grace was the man it came with; a marine assigned to guard her. He had seemed stern, very "hoo-rah" to begin with, but after the brass left, he turned and gave her this huge, shit eating grin and told her she had to be the prettiest spectre he'd ever met, all with a mischievous glint in his big brown eyes. She smiled at the wall absent-mindedly: ever since they'd steadily become more accustomed to each other until she was giving him advice, teaching him to play chess. Until he was telling her about his life and teaching her basic Spanish: how to say hello, order drinks… Anything she might need if she got out of here and took him up on his offer to show her around his home town. They were thick as thieves now and it did make everything so much more bearable, to have someone she could rant to, someone who would listen to her when she spewed out her angry thoughts. Someone who would sneak her whisky, Chinese take-out and disney films.

The door banged open,

"Ok, ok, ok!" He smiled at her, her heart fluttered a little, "Today we got Glenmorange, stuffed crust pepperoni pizza and Mulan!"

"I love that one!" She found herself squealing like a little girl as she reached out for a slice, their hands touched, "It's-"

"Your favourite, I know." He smiled, their fingers were still touching, their eyes locked and, she could have sworn, they shared a moment. A second where something stirred inside her, something that hadn't for a while and hadn't expected to feel again, not for him at least. It was a warm, shy feeling that made her look away like an inexperienced girl.

"Thank you." She whispered softly, biting into the pizza slice, eyes still averted, he shrugged,

"Ae, I enjoy pizza and vids as much as the next hombre." He smiled, that goofy, lopsided grin,

"I wasn't talking about the pizza, James." She found herself looking at his profile, feeling a frisson of something as he turned,

"What were you talking about?" He was giving her a look now, one that she'd never seen on his face before: a quiet, intense look that scorched her,

"I-…" She looked away; the feeling was gone, pushed away…_just as well,_ "Everything, you've been so kind to me, so considerate. Gone above and beyond your job description." She dared to look at him again, seeing the disappointment written on her face, "And I appreciate it. It means more to me than you understand."

They watched the vid in awkward silence, jumping every time they touched until the alcohol kicked in. After the first few halves, they relaxed, not avoiding, nor seeking each other. Once half the bottle was gone, they slumped slightly, James eventually gave her a sideways glance,

"You want the last slice?"

"Nah, you have it." She smiled as he leaned forward eagerly, then felt her heart jump into her mouth when he sat back, draping one arm over her shoulders. He was eating, staring stolidly at the screen, yet she felt a tension in him: he was like a tight violin string, tuned to her reaction. He was waiting to see what she would do.

She weighed the options: she could push him away and keep protocol, keep face, keep things uncomplicated. And yet…the lure of his broad chest, his comfortingly big arms. Was she not due some comfort after all she'd been through? She did not relax in his embrace, she moved into it, placing her head on his chest, curling her feet up onto the couch. He stiffened, then nudged her with his chin: half of the slice came into view,

"I left you most of the pepperoni, I know you like it." He said slowly, it was an offer in many ways, that she knew. But how many, or what kinds eluded her, she wasn't good at this. Something in her came up with an answer, she leaned forward to bite into the pizza, not taking it, but eating from his hands. Something they would both look back on later. They fell back into their embrace with ease, she tensing slightly when his laughter rumbled up from the depths of his chest like and earthquake. When the screen went blank, she caught their reflection, Shepard felt a jolt go through her: they looked like a normal, happy…couple. Not what they were, who they were. Her heart chose this moment to ache disconcertingly, she sat up,

"Well… Thank you." She was still circled in his arms, hand tucked into his warm body, his eyes were flicking over her face softly, as if trying to read what she wanted, as if trying to see what he wanted to see,

"De nada." He got up and left without much fuss, only looking at her once more before leaving, she resisted the urge to call his name simply because she didn't know what she would say to him.

She shut down the lights in her rooms one by one, until she stood in her bedroom, in the darkness, feeling that curious prickling fear that always came when the lights went out. The bed was cold as ice against her feverish skin, her stomach was tight and jittery, making her rub her thighs together, resisting the urge to let her hands wander. Knowing what she would think about and unconsciously rejecting the idea before it could even form in her mind. Some how, when she closed her eyes, all she could see was their reflection in the blank screen. That content couple with the pizza and the blanket draped over them,_christ, where did the blanket come from?_ The woman with the soft, relaxed body and the happy eyes resting on his chest, the big handsome man with the expression on his face like he was in heaven. Like nothing could even come close to that moment.

But that's all they were, that couple, a reflection of what could have been, an image that she did not recognise because it had no place in the real world. She would never be that woman, never have that softness in her face. Not again, she knew where that road led: a year of frustration and anticipation, a week or so of happiness and misery from there on out. So the better of the two options was clearly the one she had chosen. To be alone, secure and repressed as hell, thinking about broad shoulders and deep voices, idealising someone and never being disappointed by them.

Burning up in a cold bed.

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**The second installment is now up, under the heading "Arms wide open" s/9090463/1/Arms-wide-open****  
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